so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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