Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
how does that bad decision feel?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
