dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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