I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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