I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
