my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
