Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
there is glitter all over my balls
we should paint friendship bongs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
