ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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