I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
