eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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