My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
