Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
