I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
