It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
