lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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