Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She said her name was "party"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
