im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This girl is more easily done than said...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
