I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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