Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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