I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
