I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
