Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
