I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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