Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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