He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
