his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pants are for mortals
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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