But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
