That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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