Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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