Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
