we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
