Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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