You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
