I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
