I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
