My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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