conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What a dumb baby whore.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
