I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
