There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
