the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize