put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
