I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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