he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
