Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
