Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
