Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
