and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
