even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize