Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it hurts more in the daytime
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
