Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
