I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
