I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
