I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
