If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just pee around me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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