Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
