The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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