the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
