This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
