I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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