Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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