today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i've created a new STD.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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