didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
