Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
