I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
