It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
