If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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