how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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