you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
