Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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