If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You are a genius and a whore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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