His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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