I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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