Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
