I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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